(021)-3

03.00 am

the cold air of Jakarta penetrate beneath my pores.
the smell of Jakarta, a mix of pollution and memories, it tighten my lungs.
i spread my hand outside the car window and feeling it, it still the same Jakarta.
the building lights, the car lights, it driving me crazy, it's too beautiful.

i came here for a soul that has been missing, i've been missing my pain.
it's been a year i haven't feel any pain somewhere inside my lungs, my heart.
i want to take a sip of a wine glass full of pain.
and let them drowning inside me and burn my throat and make me cry.

13.00 am
time is flying so fast.
just like how a bird flapping their wings.

the one that i called my pain is here.
i can see it through my pupil that expand itself when i saw him.
the one that i called my my pain is here.
i can feel it that he's inside my arm -- his bones, his skin, everything.
he is inside my arm.

our eyes met after 349 days we've had enough of talking in the virtual world.
our skin is scratching each other after the last hug we've had on 349 days ago.

have you ever feel so happy when you can feel someone skin touching against yours?

---

getting stuck in the traffic jam with you is the only thing that i want.
holding your sweaty palm hands, i'll hold them, even if we had to create a river, i volunteer.
having your sight into me is all that i want.

have you ever feel so numb, that you cry while you're typing this?
i can't pour all this emotions..
please drag me back to track.
i'm getting so messed up. 
i'm sorry.
i cried.

all these memories are making my brain explode.
i can't let go of the vision of seeing you looking at me.
looking at you sipping on my coffee that you don't like.
holding my hands.
help me carrying my bags.
strolling around in the clothes rack.
sitting side by side.
your smile.
your lips.
your voice.
the motion how you move your hands.
the motion how you turn your head to look at me.
the motion how you try to getting ruined of my cigarettes smoke.
the motion how you try to connecting through my soul.

i'm sorry, i messed up the writing.

will you close your eyes, and bring out your inner peace again, next to me?
i mean, sleeping.

will you let me play with every piece of your hair, so that you can go to sleep peacefully?

lay with me in the back of the car again, will you?

03.00 am

let the blanket be the witness of our soul that has been missing for each other.
all these phone calls.
all these video calls.
they ain't something now.
why can we just talk to each other, just like how we used to do it?

it's a late night where most of the time we stopped talking.
but i feel like all my brains and my inner organ are being active.
my blood is rushing.
and my heart is pumping 100 times faster than before, i almost die.

your breathe is getting closer to mine.
he press and rub his nose against mine.
i can feel his breathe is getting closer than before.

"teach me."
"do you really think i'm the one who deserve it?"
"we don't really have that much time."

the way his lips touch against my cheek makes me feel like i'm the most innocent person in the world.

i don't know in which second did the clock ticked when i can feel something on my lips, it sucked in all my broken pieces.
i had your tongue twisted against mine.
i let my soul thanked the God for letting me feeling His beautiful creature.
all this skepticism has been answered.
he thinks i'm the one who deserve his first, is killing me.

i saw the gestures of his lips trying to string words to say those 2 words, 2 words to thank God for His holy grail creatures.

yes, my eyes speaks.
my eyes speaks, why in the world i could never have you.
why in the world we've got to have something that couldn't make us as one, when all this people think that we just trying to trespass the path that we shouldn't take?
why in the world i was born to taste all this sweetness that turn into bitterness when i don't have you again by my side?
why in the world i was born to see you trying to save someone else feeling when you don't even save mine?
and why in the world, i was born to meet you?

i'll see you in another 3 am in Jakarta, i need my medicine.