it's not me, but it's me.

there's always a reason for me to go back here, and pour all my sadness in a wine glass - i mean in a classy way.
i am still the one who typed all these heart-broken poems, but somehow, i feel that i was never the same, because i am reminiscing the old me from what i have left in here.

i still remember the day i left in here, i have sew too many wounds on my heart which ends up being numb.
and i keep forcing myself as possible to keep working and still feel in love, even though i know it won't be normal anymore.
at that time, i met someone called logic. he taught me many things to stay alive, and of course, he taught me to keep falling in love.
and it feels, for this time, i fell in love with him, and gave up all my broken heart to be repaired by him.

we are engaged now, and i am planning to marry this man called 'logic'.
he taught me many things about life. to never use feelings too often, because feelings will always take you to all kinds of expectations and forget where you should base your feet. then, i agree.

but this is where the problems hit, people always called me 'selfish'. well, i am not offended, i feel that things should work this way.
i doubt it to claim that i fully understand the flow of life. because if it's yes, i'm so fragile with everything, and sometimes thing goes beyond my limits. well, if i say no, i always have a reason for everything, i will blatantly say, "everything happens for a reason".

well, for some reasons. logic put me through fragile situation.
one time, i sink myself in a bed of blood, crying, and i wasn't seeking for a help because i didn't want to.
by letting the razor dancing on my wrist, i wish to let go all of my sorrow.
it gave me a satisfaction, yet i know it will never heal.

"don't stop me", i whisper.
"i am the one who crave for this".

that's the only piece of words that i can clearly remember from whatever-happen-that-night.

my razor always called my wrist out for another dancing session. yet, i reject kindly and saying "not this time, come in the right time, and we will go for another dance."

i like to see my wrist dancing with my razor,
like i love myself building a commitment with the logic.